Friday, September 6

(over thinking, all the time)

I cannot get enough of poems (I write these lop-sided poems all the time, on paper-towels, in my note-books, on my hand), maybe it's because a poet can be cryptic when writing but when it comes to actual sentences, it's only polite to specify what you're talking about.

I'm having trouble with high-school. At school, I sit on the second row, I put my hand up when I know the answer and when I feel particularly brave, I receive awards that don't mean much, I doodle on my friend's binder when I feel as if I have nothing to lose, but there is something that isn't quite right. Let me try and explain.

I sit behind this boy, let's call him Martin. I've known him for a fair bit of time and all the girls go after him. He sits surrounded by these girls, with big eyes, high pony-tails (dark, blond, brown and red haired girls) and thin legs. They dress the same, speak the same, love the same music, movies. OK, so we can call them the 'crowd', just your average crowd of girls fighting to be noticed in an environment where they're all the same. Typical high school-ness.

The reason why it pains me that he pays attention to these girls is because he's smart. He's meant to be smart at least: athletic, 'A' student & good-looking. I look(ed) up to him because of his wit in class and his jokes that make me laugh. He's travelled the world too. I simply don't understand why he'd be interested in those girls, those girls who've never left the continent or who don't know the meaning of being sarcastic.

Martin is but an example, Martin and me will never be M+Z=♡ on a desk in led-pencil. I suppose a part of me - the part that over thinks all the time and who makes jokes that fall flat - wishes that I could be noticed by someone like him.

3 thoughts:

  1. Sometimes I think boys, especially teenage ones, aren't sentimental blokes at all. They won't commit and actually get to know a girl. Therefore they have to settle for outwards appearances, good looks especially. It may even be a sort of competition they have, 'I've got the hottest girlfriend, burn!' People don't realise that we are just paper tigers. We are strong and fierce, but it doesn't take much to break us.
    Maybe Martin just isn't the right guy for you and you need to look a little further, extend your horizons...

  2. yes, and i feel exactly the same way. but isn't it quite sad that i know it will never happen, but i still imagine it? that i still look at this boy and i care about him so much, but he'll never feel the same way? quite sad, really. and especially the part about other girls liking him, but they just like him for looks. they don't even care to get to know him, his personality, his quirks. i know where you're coming from, lotus.

  3. Oh goodness, I can relate so much to this! Thankfully I'm in my final year of high school, but what if things don't change in the outside world? You're an intelligent girl, obviously, as cliche as this sounds, the right boy will come round eventually, with his book full of poems and a heart full of you... xxx


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