Showing posts with label Writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Writing. Show all posts

Saturday, August 9

seven seconds

(um, no, not seven seconds in heaven)

When Johanna* and Louis came to my high school three years ago, we were ready. Different cliques, bored of the same gossip and politics were eager to see these elusive French siblings. Eager to judge their clothes, their hair, their allure.
They say it takes seven seconds for humans to judge another,

we were ready for those few seconds.


Two weeks after they arrived, I sat with them on the oval. Her, yellow-blond pony-tail, skinny jeans rolled up slightly at the ankle, studded red sunnies, platform shoes. Her, a wavering smile but a laugh that made her throw her hair back and show teeth, little pieces of her hair flying everywhere.
Him, eyes framed with dark eyelashes, Jansport bag, tall. Him, his breathing a little too heavy.
Both, manicured, witty, speaking quickly, a stream of words.

I sat with them that day, because Louis and I had talked in class about Frankenstein, and he had talked to me about his host family's fishy habits. "The little girl sits in my bed and eats." He said laughing "So when I turn around at night, I hear crunching noises,and I think: 'probs a Twistie'. At least they bought me a phone though!". The first day we talked the light was soft and I felt confident. I felt heard, I liked trying to explain my day-to-day reality: the school rules and cliques, the wacky teachers and the soggy nachos that came in an aluminium box that you did not want to buy at the canteen. 

Another French boy that I vaguely knew and with whom I had had a negative encounter, was sitting with them, David let's call him. He was eighteen, two years older than us, he smoked weed and drunk till he vomited every Friday night, or at least that's what he says. Louis liked him, so did Johanna, they thought his stubble was cool. On the oval, in a circle with these people (Steph, from Switzerland was also there), I felt happy to be sitting amongst these good-looking people. It was one of those distinctive "movie-moments" that could definitely have a song playing in the background (Fill Yourself by Mia Dyson preferably). This was me being a teenager.

I understood everything they said - I had been studying this language my whole life, writing all my exams in it and practicing at home with my mum - though the words that I thought were "in" turned out to make me sound like a thirty year old aunt trying to speak "the teen-lingo". They laughed when I would say "boum" (disco) instead of "soirée" (evening party) and snickered when I told them that Australia had some pretty cool parties. A question started, very, very, excruciatingly slowly, to dawn on me. What the hell was I doing with these people? What had we in common? A love of Mary Shelley with one out of these four people? My background music was slowly starting to change into Snarly by Miko.

While I was just thinking that Slowly Sinking by Lyke Giants would probably be a better fit, the eighteen-year old took out his lighter and slowly, oh-so-casually, lit up the detention slip he had been given earlier in the morning (Lunchtime, Room 24, Detention, Name: David Leek), when it shrivelled up he threw it into the dry Australian grass.

I'd like to say that everything burnt, that the twins quit hanging out with this thug and started to speak slower. Instead, they looked at me to judge my reaction as if I was a teacher in disguise. Seeing that I visibly was not going to tell them off, or worse tell on them, they started to talk again, all at once about the difference (the huge! difference) between France and Australia. The difference in clothes (what the Aussies wore was just material, they wore art! they said with a smile), of shoes, of school, but above all: the parties.

Johanna looked at me suddenly ready for a laugh, her hair yellower than ever and asked: "You ever got smashed, babe?" I shook my head, seeing very well where this was going. In an attempt to inject some humour in the convo I said grinning: "Nope. Never drunk, never smoked, weed or other!" Steph smiled and tried to change the subject (Later she conspiratorially whispered: don't worry, me neither. But I guess it was a bit late). 

David, poking the crumpled piece of paper on the ground with his lighter said to me slowly: "You've never lived Zoé".
And for a moment, I believed him.

DSC_0101
by Maggie Dunlap

*All names here have been changed in an attempt to keep these people secrettt

Tuesday, February 25

tuesday last wisps of thought

I painted my nails metallic yesterday and three people came up to me and literally told me that they hadn't pictured me as the type to paint my nails black. I told them that 1/ it was metallic, and that 2/ it made me feel like Lorde-y and Beca-y (from Pitch Perfect) and altogether pretty rebellious and grungy and that 3/ I didn't know there was a "type" who painted their nails black. They gave me a really weird look.

Everything is about types.
I'm pretty happy about my position when it comes to conforming. I'm not some sort of riotous cult-leader promoting fungi and cinnamon based hand cream, but I do enjoy being... well, different.

There are these girls in my class who are really intensely preparing for the formal (prom, ball, dance?), some of them have bought up to three dresses, and are going to pick according to their mood on the day. Pretty crazy, right? I'm kind of dreading the whole lead-up to it (I mean there is so much stuff happening between now and DECEMBER!!)... But, then, I guess there is still a part of me who would like to dress up in a dress and feel like a princess for one night.

Anyhow, I was just hanging out with some amazing people who are quite older than me and they said they always struggled with high school because of the clear distinction between the 'herd' and the 'outcasts'. I guess it's a rite of passage then...?


Sunday, December 8

an extra layer

I made this card for my sister's 18th birthday based on our obsession with the singing "Strawberry Fields Forever" at the weirdest possible moments.
, via Rookie (duh)

one
two
three
four
five
six
seven
eight
nine
ten
eleven
twelve
thirteen
fourteen
fifteen

That's how long I've lived for. I'll be fifteen tomorrow.



via


I think that there is something more, for a lack of a better word, down to earth or real about birthdays than just presents and pink icing. Fifteen round, whole years ago I was nothing. That thought scares me like no other, how could I be nothing?

Yes there are times where I've been rude, careless, awkward, blissfully happy, embarrassed and nervous, sometimes all at once, but 'nothing'? Nope, I've never been that. Yet that's what birthdays are about, we get to be nothing twice and I guess while I'm furthering myself away from the first time, I'm inching closer to being nothing, a second time.

I'll tell you about tomorrow when I can, but I'm trying to distance myself a little from the computer. Things and moments look different when you aren't taking photographs of them, or searching for the perfect word to describe them. Simplifying, decluttering and trying to dive in instead of standing in the side-lines is what I'm going for. As a fifteen year old.

So I guess here's to a new year of sorts and here's to an extra layer of time wrapped loosely around me.





Saturday, November 9

humanity and creating (as per usual)

It is Saturday afternoon, and my eyes sting a bit from being in front of the computer and reading feminist/amazing/mind-blowing articles on none other than Rookie. All this beautiful creativity that I sometimes get a glimpse of (via magazines such as Rookie) is very bitter sweet.

On one hand it kind of makes me feel like I am but a bystander as I feel small and overwhelmed by this torrent of art. When I tell myself "OK Zoé, today you are going to write a blog post/paint/cook/learn a poem what have you", I am constantly reminded that others have done better, greater things so why try and 'compete' with them?

"We were made to create" SOURCE.


On the other, I am filled with some crazy electricity that gives me hope in humanity and I am reminded that there is more than just high-school, and the people I have met.

Yes, as real raw lovely humans in my life there is my ex-neighbour and her husband who have become my adoptive aussie grandparents (they regularly go to beanie festivals and the like), and my sister's best friend who is fiery and stubborn. There are also my best friends (how funny it is to classify one's friends as first, second, best friends, isn't having them at your side good enough?) who are all hilarious, sometimes hermit-like, sometimes party animals and crazy-smart in their own ways.

There are people I don't know such as Tavi, Lisa Mitchell, Lorde, Emma Watson, Johnny Depp who exist and people whom I've never met (and never will) but have somehow fallen in love with, fictional but strangely so much more tangible than the kids I hang out with: Juno, Lola, Alaska, Charlie, Amélie and so forth. Those people are quite big in my life, because they are always behind me, whispering, snickering, advising.

But there are girls and boys and women and men who are so bloody obnoxious and snobby and narrow-minded that, let's put aside that I'm an amateur Buddhist aside for a minute here, I want to punch them.
Oops, maybe I got a bit carried away there...


Wednesday, October 30

wisps of thought

What I'm writing, here and there, isn't all that good.
But at least I'm writing again and at least I've brought myself to face the reality of life.
And I'm OK.
Here are some snippets of my thoughts.


and you are alive and your head pounds but it is a good kind of pounding.
like the rhythm of your favourite song
boom boom
you can't get your head around the largeness of it all,
and you think that no one could take that away from you
and gradually you grow older
and your head hurts, but not like it used to.

/

when your mind is numb, you can justify.
the poverty, the pain, the un in unfortunate
push it away like a bad smell.
"why should I care, it has nothing to do with me?"
one can also create when the mind is just mush and it's late, and everything becomes much
clearer
maybe that's why the numb survive and the fiery don't.

/

love should never be a reflex.
"I love you"
"me too"

/

when my feet find which parts of the wooden floor creak and when they purposely step on these parts,
I wonder if my life plays the same game with me.

Tuesday, October 8

in the city of paris

To quite a few, Paris equals fancy shmancy shopping, old-ish monuments and croissants. And that's it.
Let me tell you something: I haven't seen all of Paris (far from it!) but I've seen enough to get that it is so much more than an Eiffel Tower on a 1€ greeting card. Paris, just like most things, is a constellation of stories, a great big bunch of them, and if you take time to piece them all together, you've get the full picture. The real, honest picture of Paris.

Story 1
The wide eyed middle aged tourists Walking along the Seine. They're following a French tour-guide - she cannot be more than eighteen - who keeps on tucking a strand of blond hair behind her ear. "Here is one of the most romantic bridges in Paris" she says consulting her notebook. She looks up from it and pauses for effect: "It's really really romantic." The women smile widely and a sigh passes through them. The husbands roll their eyes and look at each other in exasperation, bonding over their wives obvious lack of competence. Was paying 24.50€ just to hear a young woman, three times younger than them, tell them how romantic a bridge is, really worth it?

Story 2
The pigeon's hop from one side of the road to another, hopeful for a little bit of food (they're not picky). The grandmas scrunch up their nose, "rats on wings", "pests", "flying vermin" they whisper and lead their grand-children away.

Homeless women, homeless men sit on one side of the road (or the other), hopeful for a little bit of food (they're not picky). In some cases, they clutch a dog or a baby to their chests. The grandmas scrunch up their nose, "fraud", "network of suspicious homeless people", "don't pay attention" they say - quite loudly I may add, pigeons don't have ears, but the homeless do - and lead their grand-children away.

Story 3
That little alley-way with a dozen of little markets, cafés and boutiques isn't always overlooked in Paris - the professional Parisians know that the magic happens behind the scenes, behind the tourist attractions. You've got the 'Dernier Bar Avant la Fin du Monde' (the 'Last Bar Before the End of the World'), the boulangerie, the traiteur, the boucher, the épicerie. In the boulangerie (bakery) for example, the baguettes are at 0,99€, which really doesn't amount to much at all. The bread is hard on the outside, and bouncy and soft in the inside. You know if it's a good baguette if when you tear of the end bit, they call it the crouton, it makes a satisfying crunch. Yes, bread has different sounds, or is that just me?

Saturday, August 3

a mish mash


I think it's time for a blog post.

Here are some mis-matched (mish mash, more like) of my thoughts at the moment:

- This excerpt from Susan Gilman's 'hypocrite in a poofy white dress':
'In my undying callowness and naked bid to be loved, I was endlessly reinventing my personality, nipping and tucking it here and there. [...] My personality, when I really thought about it, was a perpetual motion machine of self-invention.' This author amazes me as not only she is the just the right amount of honest and sarcastic but she writes with such ease, her words are perfectly chosen, her stories vivid and relatable. 

- I'm feeling grateful at the moment. Blessed, really. Because lately, I've actually pushed out of my comfort zone, and learnt to be more open about things. 

I've figured out that the more accepting and open one is, the more they will receive in return. For example, I've met this girl and she has stars in her eyes, and the universe in her soul. I feel like taking her hand, flipping it over, and looking at the fortune lines on her palm. i'm sure they would be different than the other fourteen year old's inner-hands, probably deeper, or thinner.

All I know is that girl is going to do great things in her life, and I am blessed to have known her.


Daehyun Kim (I see you and the sea of you) 
- I've strangely started forgetting about guys, and whether I was pretty to them, and constantly worrying about what they thought of me, and if I was giving them the wrong impression. 

I've come to the conclusion that I'm enough.

This might sound cheesy (I have the knack to sound cheesy) and to some maybe utterly crazy but I don't think I need a boyfriend or a small top that hugs my curves to be noticed. I'm me, and that should be enough.




Let's finish off with some organic, orange, hairy carrots that we bought at the Farmer's Market (just because) .





I hope you enjoy your week,
x
lotus


Tuesday, July 9

there is always a story | a project

I'm so excited to announce the beginning of a project (you know how I am with projects, I cannot seem to stick to one, and go about scribbling, doodling, scheming until, pop, another idea for a project comes to mind)!

I love photography. I've learnt that just because you have a fancy shmancy Nikon D3100 (incidentally called 'Iris') doesn't mean your photos are more valuable or 'better'. Through the lens I slip into an observer. I shed my extrovert personality for a couple of minutes, or even hours, and observe. I look at how the light falls on my subject, how their shadow mingles with other dark shapes, the many different way I could capture the moment or the story (this doesn't mean that sometimes I just kind of snap away maniacally hoping to get at least one nice-ish photo).

Poetry is also a major part of my life. I call myself a poet, but really, I'm just a girl running around with a notebook and pen trying to convey her thoughts about the world around her in decent words. It usually isn't a success, but yes, I do love reading (and writing) poetry.

This project will combine my poems and photography to tell a story... a double experience.

Please have a look at the 'there is always a story' project here (it's super bare at the moment so let's not expect wonders right away), and feel free to tag along either by:
  1. following it on tumblr
  2. shooting me an email or a comment sharing any links or words to inspire me on this year long journey (I'm going to need all the inspiration I can get)
  3. learning more about it on the 'about the project' tab
  4. 'reblogging' or 'hearting' my creations
  5. or by sharing it to your readers (I'd be so grateful!)
'there is always a story' has barely been launched but I'd like it to grow as a community project involving all those photography and poetry lovers out there who have their own stories to tell (it will involve some interviews and other surprises).

Stay tuned,
(You guys are awesome by the way!xo)
lotus m.

Saturday, May 25

on a saturday morning.








:: rainbows and shadows and a poem and a little sister and light tricks on a 
saturday morning. ::