Friday, October 25

the week of utter dread

In my life, not many weeks have turned out as crappy and dysfunctional as this one. I don't think one can begin to imagine what stress I've been through. No-body likes a complainer, but I felt so broken, and weak and lost and gross and ew this week, it's not even funny.

Photoset: source

Monday - We came back from Europe and my beloved dog, my baby Calico, was diagnosed with kidney failure. Oh, and two words: Jet. Lag.

Tuesday - My dog passed away. I was hesitant to write this on my blog because sometimes people simply don't understand. Calico wasn't the type of dog you kind of just park in a corner and bring out when there's someone to impress with 'sit', 'down', 'paw' tricks, Calico was there constantly. It's been so hard on every single one of us and I can't believe how much I love (yes, in present tense) that boy.

Wednesday - I struggled (so. much.) to catch up with school work after missing one week (being in Europe). Formulas and tests and dates didn't really seem relevant.

Thursday - I did a lot of exercise which was fine, I think that pushing yourself and trying to put your sorrow and sadness into sport is always good. School didn't go well, my marks were considerably dropping.

Friday - After a terrible night, my throat hurts, I can't speak and my nose is clogged up.
Tomorrow I have a 5 hour Tae Kwon Do seminar too, plus after that Japanese tutoring. Not to mention a pile bigger than Mt. Everest of homework.

At the end of this, I wanted to write something meaningful (along the lines of: "All this struggle has taught me one thing etc.") but I guess my mind isn't programmed at the minute to be positive. My friends, well, they've been sososo supportive, I must say, even if it's just lending me their notes or their mobile to call home and see if there was any progress with curing Calico. I guess that was the most difficult thing: not knowing.

Because when you don't know, for ages and ages and ages on end (Calico was actually sick five, six days before he was fully diagnosed) you look up to the sky, and you squint and you can't see your future, you simply can't imagine (but dear god you hope) if you'll look back one day and go "Remember when you gave us such a fright, Calico? Ah, but you held on strong, didn't you, boy?".

P-S Check out a poem about this here. Click to enlarge.

4 thoughts:

  1. I can empathize. I'm sorry you've had such a nasty week. I'll keep you in my prayers. Be of good cheer! xo

  2. I know there is not much I can say to make you feel better.
    It seems that '13 really is a bad number.
    I just wanted to say, your Synthesia post is SO BEAUTIFUL. I love the way you overlap the photos so the drop of water is like a tear. The poem too is so sweet it brought tears to my eyes.
    It's so nice that you can express yourself so freely through poetry and fill your poems with emotion that reaches your readers.
    Thank you Lotus.

    1. no, thank YOU zahra. you've always been so supportive of my mini creations, and it really means a lot. (and happy birthday!)

  3. oh darling. <3 there's never anything right to say in situations like this, but i'm sure your memories of calico will get you through.


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