Sunday, March 16

i'm ok

This week & weekend turned out to be a huge struggle for me. Here are some excerpts of my journal over the week...


Instead of Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday I call on Five, Four, Three and then Finally 1, Finally 2. Why do I only live (really live) 28 per cent of my life?


It all has to be justified, but I cannot justify the vacancy and pain I feel in the pit of my stomach. But above all, the uncertainty is the worst. I feel like Atlantis: a wealthy city swallowed by the sea of ancient times.


Instead of concentrating on being OK again, I count my bruises. I'm trying so hard to forget, but some part of me feels that if I covered up all the sore and put on a brave face, day by day I will get a little smaller and my scars will get bigger and spread until I am but a pile of broken promises and stray memories. 


I feel linked to something that means much more than what I am confronted to daily. Sometimes, I can feel the whispers and vibrations of the stars and the branches and the water and I am comforted. I try not to worry about the mediocre and just focus on the horizon. I never thought how difficult it would be to be OK everyday. 

Yes, it's glum and sad. Yes, sometimes I ask myself whether these feelings are normal or if there is something wrong with me. I 'fell out' with one of my closest friends, and it sucks. Oh boy does it suck. I wish she could know how much I respect her and still think of her as really  a cool person. Anyways, I'm concentrating on mending myself and trying not to freak out when I see pictures of how it was before.

Good luck for the week to come peeps, I hope this blogpost hasn't brought you down much.
I think this stuff just needed to be said. But you should know that I'm OK, now. Or at least better.

(and if you're feeling down after reading this, here is a picture of my sister a unicorn:)

1 thoughts:

  1. Oh lovey, don't feel bad for feeling bad or writing about it on here. Your honestly is to be acknowledged. But one thing I will say is that not all hope is lost. Feeling lost in your thoughts and feelings is completely normal and, honestly, it completely sucks. But what goes down must come back up again and trust me, it will come back up!

    thinking of you x


Thank you so much for taking the time to say 'hi'; it's great hearing from you. ❀