Is my existence validated?

High patterned socks. Converse, All Star that is, not One Stars that are $20 cheaper. The most expensive the better. Doc Martens. Vans. Think legs. Bony elbows. Short skirts.

What has our generation been reduced to?

I cringe at the girls that surround me who smile with a hollowness, who laugh with an emptiness, echoing with waves of ache. "Notice me", their branded bags seems to scream. "I've conformed, look at what I'm wearing. It's the same as what you guys are! Is my existence validated?". 

But how do they expect boys to treat them like royalty when they aren't even treating themselves. To a facial expression that is not constantly in tune with the one that the girl next to them is wearing. To lids that are not heavy with makeup, night and day. (Slippery gunk, smother shimmer, use the weird scalpel thing to curl your eyelashes: and voilà! Guaranteed popularity!). To tastes that fill their cheeks and wrap around their stomach. To a single independent breath, letting them stretch up, extend their backs and allowing their lungs to do what lungs do.

But maybe I am lying. Maybe this is something I tell myself to feel OK. Because who knows?

Maybe conforming is the only way to pass the time.

tuesday last wisps of thought

I painted my nails metallic yesterday and three people came up to me and literally told me that they hadn't pictured me as the type to paint my nails black. I told them that 1/ it was metallic, and that 2/ it made me feel like Lorde-y and Beca-y (from Pitch Perfect) and altogether pretty rebellious and grungy and that 3/ I didn't know there was a "type" who painted their nails black. They gave me a really weird look.

Everything is about types.
I'm pretty happy about my position when it comes to conforming. I'm not some sort of riotous cult-leader promoting fungi and cinnamon based hand cream, but I do enjoy being... well, different.

There are these girls in my class who are really intensely preparing for the formal (prom, ball, dance?), some of them have bought up to three dresses, and are going to pick according to their mood on the day. Pretty crazy, right? I'm kind of dreading the whole lead-up to it (I mean there is so much stuff happening between now and DECEMBER!!)... But, then, I guess there is still a part of me who would like to dress up in a dress and feel like a princess for one night.

Anyhow, I was just hanging out with some amazing people who are quite older than me and they said they always struggled with high school because of the clear distinction between the 'herd' and the 'outcasts'. I guess it's a rite of passage then...?