and I stand

“All she wanted 
was to find a place to stretch her bones 
A place to lengthen her smiles 
and spread her hair 
A place where her legs could walk 
without cutting and bruising 
A place unchained 
She was born out of ocean breath. 
I reminded her; 
‘Stop pouring so much of yourself 
into hearts that have no room for themselves 
Do not thin yourself 
Be vast 
You do not bring the ocean to a river.’”

—	Tapiwa Mugabe, You Are Oceanic

The world is buzzing and exploding with light and sound. When I look up, all the summer fruit are slowly coming out, the insects are crawling, the air is thick, my heart is doing what hearts normally do - pumping - and I stand. I stand barefoot, on dry grass. I slap a mosquito. I stand, waiting.

I stand gobsmacked at Mugabe's words, I stand with a simultaneous thirst for people and a thirst for being alone away from everything. I stand broken, and so mixed up, and most of all I stand trying. Trying so hard to stop jumping from one mood to the next, trying to show people who I am, really, inside. 

the last summer

Gosh, with such an intense title, I better write something half decent.

Summer is coming, just like a wave rolling in towards the shore, building up and making little bubbles of foam. This summer is one of my last without proper adult responsibilities, and I do wish to squeeze every last drop of summery-goodness when it finally does come round.
(Who doesn't like December and January, the end, the new. The birthdays, Christmas, the start of a brand new year, a new outlook on everything, 'tis pretty marvellous really.)

I find myself stuck in an interesting state of mind.

On one hand I'm rejoicing and letting my hair loose and making lists with my best friend of things we absolutely have to do, and on my mood board, I've tacked lists of movies to watch because, guys, it's almost summer and I'm going to be fifteen in two weeks.

But on the other, I'm sitting at my desk at school, telling myself to concentrate over and over; telling myself to be serious, and that I've still got 18 days of school, so get a hold of yourself and answer that darn question page 56.

You've been hearing a lot about 'growing up' and the 'future' from me these days in jumbled up excuses for posts because it's hovering constantly. It's like a special glow, and my life seems tainted by the promises, both heavy and amazingly exciting, of adulthood. I am always reminded that every single choice, nay, every wisp of a thought, every expression on my face, somehow determines one small portion of the rest of my life. That scares me. It all does, really... For crying out loud, I can't even chose between cookie-dough or strawberry-cheescake as ice-cream flavours, and you're expecting me to apply for a job - part-time, yes, but a job with RESPONSIBILITIES?

at the beach

// Just because writing on the front porch, with view on the lake, is nicer than being in front of a computer, and because the sound of pen on paper is (sometimes) a prettier sound than pressing keys, I've written this in my little, leather bound notebook. Thanks to a dear friend (you know who you are), for this beautiful birthday present, I've journaled every night because of it. //

This evening is our first of the year at the coast, at our coast. We've been coming here for five years, twice a year. This Lake Tabourie is beautiful, one of my favourite places in Australia.
I love that evenings are spent reading outside just when the sun is dipping into the lake, and the silver fish are flopping out of the water, or inside if it's raining. I love that the beach is only a six minute walk away, I love that we have time to even measure these kind of crazy statistics, I love that more than a handful of people on the expanse of the whole beach is considered crowded for us.
I love that nights spent watching a movie is happily traded in for a night of board-games, and playing Uno. I love that, I can wonder off whenever and wherever. I love that it is a retreat from all the hectic-ness (aha, that's not even a word is it?) of everyday life, and the drama of school. Here, I can swim in the sea three to four times a day, I can spend the whole day with my nose in a book, and that things are so simple and straight forward.
You see someone crossing your path? 'Hello, beautiful day for the beach, dontcha think?' Yes, I do think.

At seven o'clock, with the moon out, and the clouds fluffy my hair thick with sea salt and the wind and the sand, and my feet bare, yes, I do think.

the last day of summer

Back to school it is. I spent the last day painting my nails, removing the nail polish and painting them again -- that's what stress does to you. But nonetheless it was what I call a sunshiney day. I invited two of my closest friends over and we had a very long talk about the in's and out's of every subject and of school. Not to mention a whole lot of singstar (ABBA anybody?) -- my throat is killing me and yum chocolate brownies. I captured today with a ton of pictures with the help of my Nikon. Every time I hold it I feel all happy, and fuzzy.

My holidays have not been all popsicles and smiles but I'm okay -- I always am. And on this happy merry note, I look school in the eye and say "Bring it".

Thanks for your lovely comments -- I love you all.

With coloured pencils and pineapples,

Lotus.

as promised

As promised, a little more on Zahra's party -- seriously it's worth a post!

So, you know when you go to a party you don't expect anything in return apart from say a slice of chocolate cake. Well, when I came back, I had: a Play-Doh box with bright pink dough {who says only plump-ish two year olds can play with Play-Doh?}, a Coke can with my name on it, hair clips, a sunflower plant and a tummy full of pie and icecream. Can't get much better than that; can it now?
The party was based on "The Amazing Race" and we had to follow all these clues and solve riddles, and, and, yeah it was pretty epic.

Okay I've got to fly, no seriously, fly.

With love,
Lotus

Blue and Depp

Lately I have been pondering the colour:

Dark Blue • Light Blue • Aqua • Ocean • Navy 


Blue is a colour that won't let you down. It is a strong but calm colour and one that I get attached to very easily. I love blue birds, blue nail polish, bluebells, the sea, blueberries and summer skies.





I also have been pondering Johnny Depp.

J. D epp

 

Johnny Depp is a unique person. He is an actor with a strong imagination and a liking for peculiar things. He displays his inner child by playing in movies such as Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Pirate’s of the Caribbean and Alice in Wonderland, all wonderful. With his original taste, Johnny Depp stands out from the crowd physically in his movies: he acts quite precious and androgynous. He uses his wit and mind rather than muscles. Johnny Depp is discreet with his personal life but social when working. He is very successful in the movie world, one of the best paid actors, and even owns his own island. Nevertheless, he stays away from commercialism. He is also a gifted musician and down to earth.




~~ See you soon,


Zoé

A Dicovery

It was at the dutch markets (I am now in Holland) they had lovely things, bags and jewelery, colouful fabrics blowing in the breeze, it was on a summer's day, there were malls and shops... Basically, a ton of things to buy and I could not stop. I am a shopaholic (spell it like that?), that is my discovery.. sniff..

This is what I bought:
- A very cute grey bag
- A "key and padlock" wallet
- A summer dress
- Silvery/Blue nailpolish
- Shorts
- T-shirt

Anyways, if shopaholic means I get all these treasures, I'm in!

Happy holidays!!
Love,
Zoe